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The only way a fidgey spinner would relieve my stress is if it was edible ...
Massaging the shoulders of the person in front of you at the Redbox machine will usually help them make up their mind faster.
I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean & people think I’m joking.
Friday is like a superhero that always arrives just in time to prevent me from savagely beating my coworkers with a keyboard.
I´m a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect!
Couples Halloween costumes always end up looking like one person went along with it to save the relationship.
I hate it when people rub things in my face... unless it`s two boobs.
There are two reasons I would never drink toilet water. Number 1 and number 2.
Relationships are like just-out-of-the-oven pizza. You know it`s going to burn you, but it looks so good and maybe this time it won`t?
There I was, watching a advertisement when a YouTube video rudely interrupts it...
Babies are really cute until you meet one that`s not a picture.
So... Where does one obtain minions?
It would be so cool to be able to see an album of all the pictures you’ve accidentally photobombed in public.
For a one-way mission to Mars, we should send a blogger. Not so they can blog about the experience, but so there`d be one less blogger.
Any wife can be a trophy wife if you bring her to a Taxidermist.