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Insanity means never having to say “I’m Guilty”.
Now that I`m on Facebook, I can finally put that English degree I obtained to some use…
You can tell a lot about someone by whether they read HP as horsepower or hit points.
I bet blind people think farts are funnier than deaf people.
My lack of dusting will finally pay off on Halloween.
A homeless man comes up to me asking for change, I say "Change comes from within." He looked stunned.
Leftover bacon? Lol that’s up there with unicorns, leprechauns, and soulmates.
Sometimes, I send game request just to piss people off :)
If you have to use a shot glass to make your drinks then you`re not doing it right...
Sorry ladies, but I already got my eyes on a woman who`s not interested.
I do love you for your mind, I just like your mind a lot more when you’re naked.
I think I can survive on Mars since they found water for my coffee.
Roses are red violets are blue vodka cost less than dinner for 2.
No need to drive me crazy. I can walk from here.
I may be asking too much of this coffee.