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I BRIEFLY had an urge to clean ... but that lasted only 5 minutes .. whew! That was close! Lol
Nice try Jehovah’s Witnesses but dressing up like cops and telling me you have a warrant is not going to get me to open my door.
If thought bubbles appeared above my head, I`d be screwed.
I have more conversations in my head than I do in real life.
Nothing embarrasses psychics more than throwing them a surprise birthday party.
My husband told me that in some cultures women do all the housework, so I told him in some cultures blow jobs don`t exist. He`s vacuuming
Still waiting for a criminal on Law and Order to say,,, "Hey,, Aren`t you Ice-T?"
Don`t get me wrong, this Chinese take-out is amazing. But I`ll be damned if they expect me to believe a chicken fried this rice
Pork is awesome, but it`s best when used as a verb.
I need to borrow someones kid for Halloween. I miss free candy.
I like to think outside the quadrilateral parallelogram.
A real ice cream truck would have melted by now.
When I count calories it involves a bunch of multiplication.
I like to finish other people’s sentences because my version is better.
No one in my entire life has believed in me more than the waiter who gave me a single napkin to use while eating my lunch yesterday.