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When girls have a great night out, they talk about it for months. When guys have a great night out, that night will never be spoken of.
Currently helping my girlfriend look for her chocolates that I ate 5 hours ago...
That moment when you offer somebody a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she`s not your friend anymore
My neighbors listen to some excellent music. Whether they like it or not.
Helpful Tip: Always remember to speak clearly when complimenting a woman`s boots...
I bet Batman`s cape gets stuck in the car door more times than he admits.
If you can’t celebrate Valentine’s Day with someone you love, celebrate it with alcohol and pizza.
The problem with the world today is that intelligent people are too smart to have children.
Definition of insanity - Doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results
Why aren`t we letting blind people think that dragons are real?
People are like dogs: There`s always someone who loves you for you and there`s someone who just peed in an inappropriate place.
You mean you can actually put the cork back in a wine bottle? WHY!!??
The future was so much cooler in the past.
Getting another set of teeth would be much more useful at age 60 than age 6.
At least I know it wasn`t just me that was wondering if the cashier was a man or a woman. I just wish that my 5 year old didn`t ask.