Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Just drove past the house where I lost my virginity. There wasn`t even a plaque or anything. Pretty ridiculous if you ask me.
I have many thoughts. I just can´t remember any of them.
Before I got married I didn`t even know there was a wrong way to put the milk back in the fridge
I hate it when the movie trailer is better than the movie itself.
“Was that lightning?” “No no…. they’re taking pictures for Google Earth..”
It`s weird how in England the passenger drives the car
I went to see a psychiatrist today. He told me I had a split personality and charged me $160. I gave him $80, and told him to get the rest from the other a$$hole!
I just called the Alcohol Hotline and those bastards don`t even deliver.
You are the pebble in my shoe of people
If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blankets back to your side.
A fun part of your 40s is waking up thinking you`re hungover, and then remembering, nope, this is just how my body feels now.
We should start seeing Valentine`s Day crap in the stores any minute now.
Sometimes after many years of marriage, you just look at your wife and wonder how she stayed with you this long without you killing her.
Besides being curled up on the bathroom floor convinced I was dying from liver failure for a few hours, last night was fun.
Women say childbirth is the most painful thing... obviously they have never stepped on a Lego.