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How to win an argument. 1. Have a vagina. 2. That’s it. 3. You win. 4. Congratulations.
Fart jokes ain`t funny, they stink.
Every woman needs a shoulder to cry on, a shoulder to lean on and a shoulder to hold her bra strap on!!!
I know you seen me continuously push the "close doors" button while you ran to the elevator. Now it`s just awkward
As your best friend, I swear to always pretend to be your lesbian lover when you are getting hit on by an ulgy ass hole in a bar.
My fridge is just hospice for vegetables.
I am there for you no matter what, anytime, day or night, unless there is something good on TV or I am eating pie
They say a dog park is a great place to pick up girls. I don`t have a dog so I am walking around with a bag of poop so I won`t look weird.
You might think you`re smart until you try using someone else`s microwave.
You know what the trouble with jogging is...by the time you realize you`re not in shape for it, it`s too far to walk back.
"You only live once" is also an equally compelling reason not to do something extreme or stupid.
When we married, she treated me like a God. As time went by, the letters got reversed
On one issue, at least, men and women agree: they both distrust women.
If you had to choose between your significant other and a million dollars, what`s the first thing you`d buy?
A book fell on my head, I can only blame my shelf.