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Stovetop Directions: 1.) Use microwave.
Just got back from a vacation in Nevada...turns out that money can by you love.
I don`t mind helping people as long as I`m not slightly inconvenienced.
India launched a rocket to Mars yesterday… That’s a heck of a place to put a call center.
The part of "no" that I don´t understand is the part where I don´t get what I want
If you say "I slept like a baby" in front of me, I`ll ALWAYS assume you woke up every 2 hours, pissed yourself and cried for your mommy.
When I become president I will make Monday a part of the weekend.
Commercials led me to believe that changing shampoos would have a much bigger effect on my life.
New College Admissions Test ______ not getting into this college: A. Your B. Ur C. You`re D. U`re
A touching letter by a little girl to Santa on Christmas: Dear Santa, Please give clothes to all those poor ladies in daddy`s laptop
Did you ever stop to think that maybe vodka is addicted to ME?
I’d drink a lot less alcohol if a lot less alcohol got me drunk.
A secret is what you tell everyone not to tell anyone else.
B!tch, please! You`re so fake, even barbie is jealous of you
Fitness? More like, fitness whole pizza in my mouth.