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Behind every successful student, there is a deactivated Facebook account.
Where did Noah keep his bees? ... In the ark hives ... Yes, I`m showing myself out, thanks
WHAT DO WE WANT!!! A cure for hangovers WHEN DO WE WANT IT!!! Please stop yelling
Give a fish some bread and he`ll eat for a day. Teach a fish to be a flying piranha and he`ll eat for a lifetime.
If you don’t feel just a little bit of shame after the weekend… you’re not doing it right.
Whenever I`m sad, you`re there. Whenever I`m having problems, you`re always there. Whenever my life seems out of control, you`re always there. Lets face it. You`re bad luck.
OMG! I just discovered that if I align them JUST right, that I can make your boobs stand straight up (just like the broom trick)! Message me for an appointment! ;)
Don`t pick on Aquaman! The crime rate underwater is pretty damn low the last time I checked.
Preheating an oven requires too much commitment.
Everyone`s self worth should only be measured by how useful they would be in the zombie apocalypse.
How many instruments do you have to be terrible at before you start playing the triangle?
The problem with rich people is I`m not one of them.
I need a job that pays at least 10,000 dollars an hour.
Its so hot I used my blow dryer as a cooling fan!
If you want to talk to me on the phone, I need at least three days notice.