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4 out of 5 dentists agree that 1 out of 5 dentists is just doing it for the attention.
Roses are red! violets are buckets. This poem makes no sense. Snot.
Just once I wanna see a pregnancy test commercial where the female is like, "Aww, f**k..."
Home is where you can say anything you want, because nobody listens to you anyway.
You know it’s going to be a bad day when your horoscope starts with… “Are you sitting down?”
Well aren`t you a f*cking waste of two billion years of evolution.
This might be my ego talking, but I feel my weight-loss spambot followers care about me. They really, really, do.
I sure do feel a lot more attractive at Walmart than I do at the gym.
Cop: Are you on drugs? Me: Why would I sit on drugs? Cop: Have you taken any? Me: Taken them where? Cop: I meant used drugs Me: I prefer new
It`s that time of year again, to reflect and remember how much I love my tax deductions. Kids... I meant my kids.
I was hooked on auctions after only going once... going twice
Don’t you hate when the person you’re Facebook-stalking never updates anything.
You know you are in the hood when your portable GPS says “Drive faster and put me under the seat.”
All these years and I still don`t understand why they didn`t put Kevin Bacon in Grease.
They need to put more spider poison in hairspray.