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Wishing you a fabulous 2014 that is full of great achievements and experiences. A meaningful chapter waiting to be written HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Sure, I`ll go to your open bar and watch you get married.
Let me drink about it and get back to you.
If an officer asks “do you know why I pulled you over?” “Because it’s the only way to get girls to talk to you” is a bad answer, apparently
Maybe it`s inappropriate for the first date but if there`s a maze on the menu I`m asking for crayons.
Why do the commercials with the husband and wife doing a home improvement project never show the fistfight?
How come dogs aren’t ticklish?
*Knocks on door* Hey open up. You didn`t reply to my last 43 inbox messages & then you updated about a guy who keeps annoying you. You need help?
The word "Saturday" has "turd" in it. Good luck trying to ignore that for the rest of your life, starting now.
I´m really bored but too lazy to do anything about it.
According to the police, public masturbation is not considered a "street performance". Even if you have a hat on the ground on front of you.
That depressing moment when you dip your cookie into milk for too long, it breaks off, and you wonder why bad things happen to good people.
I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is easy and fun as hell. :)
I always learn from mistakes of others, who took my advice.
Cocaine dealers are always trying to stick their business in other people`s noses.