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The best thing about telepathy is…I know, right?
I learned most of what I know about dropping pianos on people from cartoons.
My teen thought it`d be funny to post as me on Facebook. I laughed and laughed and changed the wi-fi password. Good times!
My life`s paradox: I love sleeping, but I never want to go to bed early.
Whoever determined that a 1-inch candy bar should be called "fun sized" should really re-evaluate their standards for entertainment.
Mosquito landed on my friend`s face; easiest decision of my life.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.
I just don`t have enough middle fingers for today.
A shark will only attack you if you’re wet.
I’m thinking of leaving my body to science. Even scientists need a good laugh now and then.
That amazing moment when you post a comment on Facebook and everyone likes it.
Apparently, my wife has friend zoned me...
What`s this g-mail? I just got used to e-mail. And why did they skip f-mail?
"This is so wrong," I say excitedly, my heart racing, my hands trembling.. as I butter a doughnut
Now that 1 in every 3 people cheats in their relationships,I`m left wondering. . .Is it my wife or my girlfriend that`s cheating?