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I`m not sure where you learned to whisper but I`m guessing inside a helicopter surrounded by f*cking chainsaws.
Are the ATF and border patrols also shutdown? Asking for a Mexican friend....
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning.
When you put ‘aspiring’ in front of your chosen profession. What I hear is: I’m unemployed.
One day you will die, but every other day you won’t. So that’s pretty great, right? ... Inspirational posts are hard.
If every porkshop was perfect, we wouldn`t have hot dogs.
It`s pretty amazing how many times my daughter likes to say "it`s not fair!" considering she has never had to pay taxes
Which emoticon indicates the desire to cover someone with fire ants?
Pretending I`m a pleasent person all day is exhausting.
A court date is still technically a date, right?
Doing some laundry and hot single socks in my dryer are looking for a mate.
Shot my first turkey today...scared the crap out of everyone in the frozen food section. It was awesome!
"Sir your phone`s ringing." "Yeah, phones do that."
My problem is, I`m about 30% stud, and 70% muffin.
I must have drank more than I thought last weekend...there`s an entire hour that I don`t remember!