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I sometimes goto Starbucks for coffee and tell them my name is Bueller ... Then leave before my coffe is ready
"I woke up with morning wood. She woke up with morning wouldn`t."
I told my psychiatrist that I`ve been hearing voices. He told me that I don`t have a psychiatrist.
For all of you who gossip about me: Thanks for making me the center of your world.
According to the squirrel riding a unicycle in my kitchen, I may have taken too much sleep medication.......
Remember this when you are drunk: You can`t fall off the floor.
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren`t happy.
Congratulations India on successfully orbiting a probe around Mars. I assume you`ll be opening call centers on the red planet and using fake Martian names now?
On the bright side, it’s Friday Eve Eve Eve.
You can always count on me to feel you up when you`re feeling down
Warning: forgetting what pocket your keys are in may result in the Macarena.
I`m saving all my good posts for when I can think of some.
People say 60 is the new 40 but the cop who just pulled me over doesn`t agree.
I`m not lazy... I`m in energy saving mode.
There`s a Bullying Support Group meeting, tomorrow night at 8 ... You`d better f*cking be there.