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The good thing about Facebook is if someone gets on your nerves enough, you can make them cease to exist in your world and you don`t even have to hide a body.
If you`re bored, wear a cape. Then you can be Super Bored
When cleaning my house: 1% Cleaning 30% Complaining 69% Playing with stuffs that I just found.
The only correct answer to "Are you ticklish?" is "I will kill you."
I’m a proud supporter of messy hair and sweatpants.
Key to a great marriage ... Lack of imagination.
I`m combining Easter and April Fools day this year - I`m sending the kids out to look for eggs I haven`t hidden.
If you say "cash money" around me, Don`t act surprised when I kick you in the "balls nuts" See how stupid that sounds?
When I think of a SELFIE, I`m not sure it`s the same thing you`re thinking of...
Cats constantly look at you like you just asked them for a ride to the airport.
I don`t use my cell phone in the car... I have to keep my hands free for making gestures.
Meanwhile one million men got to enjoy a quiet afternoon at home without anyone nagging them.
If Santa’s helper takes a picture in the mirror, is that an elfie?
I`m glad I don`t work in an office. I can only imagine the smell at lunch time when everybody opens their egg salad sandwiches today.
The problem with drinking with people from work is they`re the ones I bitch about when I`m drunk.