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I wasn`t even going for broke. But I got it!
Shouldn`t there have been one scene in The Karate Kid where Daniel`s mom was like "Why are you constantly in that old man`s shed?"
Facebook is the best place to say whatever you want. If it doesn’t go over well you can just say you were hacked.
There is no harm in imitating a porn movie. But stopping in between because you are imitating the buffering part (!), is unacceptable.
I just replaced the can of air freshener in the office bathroom with an air horn. And now we wait...
Life`s tough. It`s tougher if you`re stupid...
I taught my wife everything she knows about male stupidity.
I exercised once, but found I was allergic to it. My skin flushed and my heart raced. I got sweaty and short of breath. Very dangerous.
When you have the opportunity to become a bigger person, take it because cake is delicious.
A house is not a home until you can find all light switches in the dark.
The zoo is a pretty safe place to fart.
When people tell me "you`re going to regret that in the morning" I sleep in until noon because I`m a problem solver.
I like to follow random families around Disneyland for a day and just be in the background of all their photos.
TIP OF THE DAY: If you can`t afford porn, just turn on tennis and shut your eyes.
Sorry I shouted "MORTAL KOMBAT!" when you started arguing with your husband at the grocery store