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How is it possible that we have one hand that can do everything while the other hand is all, “I can’t even hold a pencil”?
Black Friday is Americas version of running with the bulls.
You call it being sober. I call it on my way to the liquor store.
I`ve been wondering, If poison goes out of date and expires, does it become more or less deadly?
When I`m sad, I sing...Then I realise my voice is worse than my problems.
Think you`re going crazy? When you get there, look for me and I`ll show you around.
If you use the word "gay" to desrcribe something that is "merry or happy" then you`re gay.
Broke up with my girlfriend. She was into the horoscope stuff and we weren`t compatible. I`m a libra and shes a...b!tch
Lying about my age is easier now that I have trouble remembering what it is.
I`m sorry baby, but me & you are not going to work out. We are going to watch tv.
There’s really no reason to repeat yourself. I ignored you just fine the first time.
If you come to myspace and twitter about my yahoo, can I google over your facebook?
Dwjxdjdhjfrjfjhrha! Sorry--you will get a more coherent status update AFTER I`ve had my coffee!
Waterfalls are a beautiful, majestic sight as they pour down upon the rocky crags below. Unless you`re in a canoe and about to plummet to your death. Then waterfalls sorta suck.
I got in touch with my inner child and the little sh!t hung up on me.