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Are nap dates a thing? Because that`s something I can work with...
Science is just a numbery way to explain magic.
Picking out the right Christmas tree is a science. Sneaking into your neighbor`s yard to cut it down is an art.
They should start selling Photoshop CD`s at cosmetic shops.
Now I lay me down to sleep, a bottle of vodka at my feet, if I should die before I wake, tell my friends I drank it straight.
Never cry over spilt milk. It could`ve been whiskey.
If a camera adds 10 pounds then maybe stop eating them
My only argument with using the treadmill, is that I can`t run away from my farts.
Fun Fact: You can win all arguments with your man by putting on yoga pants and walking away.
Friends would describe me as classy, sassy and a bit smart-assy.
Couldn`t stay awake sitting on the couch, so I laid down in bed to make sure I wouldn`t fall asleep
What if oxygen makes our voice really deep, and Helium just brings it back to normal?
Iām not crazy just the voices are!
The awkward moment when someone say "I gotta use the restroom.... Never mind."
Procrastination............I`ll make a joke about it later.