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What does Miley Cyrus have for dinner on Christmas? Twerky :`)
Just once, I want a username and password prompt to say, “Close Enough.”
Immature is a word boring people use to describe fun people.
Facebook would be much more interesting if they let you decide, which part of the body you wanna Poke.
List of things I’ve accomplished today: 1. Accomplishments List
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown male child who can not be handled by his parents anymore.
Under no circumstances shall a call be made to another male after 2 a.m., unless its to get bailed out of jail.
If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blankets back to your side.
I would be a great procrastinator ... if I could ever get around to it.
Though we made many advancements in society, sadly, pimpin’ STILL isn’t easy.
Sir, no food allowed in the dressing rooms.` ... what, am I supposed to just guess the pop tart capacity of these cargo shorts before I buy?
Well, if you`re going to question my reputation and credentials as a gynecologist,I suggest you get the hell out of my office van.
The best part about pooping with the bathroom door open in the morning is being able to see everyones face at Starbucks.
I never drink unless I am alone or with somebody.