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I`m like the stink in your feet.....I will always be with you.
My girlfriend says I talk while I sleep... but I`m skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
If doing things was as easy as thinking about doing things Iād get a lot more done.
Why do some people call it a "tuna-fish" sandwich? It`s not like anyone calls it a "chicken-bird" sandwich.
If you play any Taylor Swift song backwards you`ll hear messages from the devil, however even worse........... if you play it forwards, you`ll hear Taylor Swift
Sarcasm. Because communicating with morons is hard.
If anybody asks, I was on Facebook all night tonight, okay? Thanks for having my back, everyone.
I wonder how many messengers were killed before they came up with the saying.
If it looks like a pig and walks like a pig, do me a favor & tell my ex girlfriend I said hello.
Ermegerd! I WON EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH!!!!! Again! I love being self employed..
boss- "You cant drink while your at work!" .. me- "Oh dont worry im not working!!"
Hey,,,, I said I`d be there in 10 minutes... Quit calling me every half hour.
Whenever I have a panic attack, I put a brown paper bag over my mouth ā¦ and drink all the vodka inside ā¦ It seems to help
The Teen Choice Awards air last tonight if you want to see a great reminder of why kids aren`t allowed to vote.
I just changed my WiFi password to "blowmefirst." I can`t wait for someone to ask me for it!