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We will always have that special 5 minutes before I started creeping you out.
My wife`s credit cards were stolen last week. I haven`t reported it yet though...because so far, they are spending less than she was.
I taught my wife everything she knows about male stupidity.
Hey guys with your phone in a hip holster, is it because your purse is too full with tampons?
Kids, because why would you want to sleep on more than 6 inches of your king size bed?
There should be an observation deck at Walmart.
I finally quit eating pizza for good, now I only eat pizza for evil.
I`m tired of being the better person. One day I`d like to be the bitch that they claim I am.
I can’t tell if I’m hungry, but better eat just in case.
She texted me: "Your adorable.". I replied: "No, you`re adorable." Now she thinks I like her. All I did was point out her typo!
Learning to "stop drop and roll" in elementary school lead me to believe catching on fire would be a much more frequent problem in life.
Donald Duck, saying screw you to pants since 1934.
I`m in no shape to exercise patience!
:): The Bipolar smiley face
Common sense has become so rare it should be classified as a superpower.