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Do not treat a woman like an object. It hates that...
At any given time, my wallet is worth more than it’s contents.
It saddens me to say that after tasting this homemade whiskey/nacho cheese ice cream, I’ve found not all dreams are meant to be followed.
Parallel lines have so much in common, it`s a shame they`ll never meet
Not all guys just want s@x... I want sandwiches too.
I’m late for a disappointment.
You know what’s worse than slow internet? NOTHING.
Me: Where can I find the milk? Her: Sir, this is a library. Me: *whispers* Sorry, where can I find the milk?
To skip any youtube ad just change ‘youtube’ to ‘youtubeskip’ in the url of any video. You’re welcome.
The first rule of the OCD Club is to have a second rule so there is an even number of rules.
I twisted my ankle playing vodka last night.. Next question
My favorite part of the Bible is when God gives humans free will, then kills them with a flood because they didn`t act the way he wanted.
The way my dog acts, you`d think his entire family was murdered by a vacuum cleaner.
I know what I`m getting for Christmas ... Fat. I`m getting fat.
I`ve been texting so much lately that I move my thumbs from side to side when I`m actually talking to someone.