Daily Silly Status

I wonder if "Sober Me" knows that "Drunk Me" can Breakdance?

I´m playing that game where the floor is made of lava, so I obviously can´t get off the couch or I´ll die.

Sometimes words just aren`t enough. And that`s why we have middle fingers.

I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were shouting, `13...13....13...13.` The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the planks and looked through to see what was going on. Some idiot poked me in the eye with a stick. Then they all started shouting. `14...14...14...14....

I know they didn`t ask for it, but I sent a stool sample in with my tax returns.

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn`t concentrate.

Do you ever dislike someone so much that you hate when people are nice to them?

Lord, it`s me... Can you close your eyes for a couple minutes while I deal with a slight problem?

Of course I can keep a secret. It’s the people I tell it to who can’t.

I just ate Pasta and Anti-Pasta, but they annihilated each other, now I am hungry again.......

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man

"Mounting debt" sounds way sexier than it is.

Just bent over to pick up a beer that rolled out of the fridge and realized yoga is exhausting

Is everything expensive or am I simply poor?

Note to Self: These Note to Selves don’t work.