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If I won the lottery, I could make a whole lotta people miserable
I’m having some vision trouble today. I can’t see myself doing anything.
You had me at, "we`ll make it look like an accident."
99% of people in this world are stupid. Luckily I`m part of the other 5%.
You know you are getting old when people keep telling you how young you look.
You don`t have to be crazy to work here ... We`ll train you.
People should be required to pay an extra dollar for every syllable of their coffee order.
My winter wardrobe consists of my summer clothes layered on top of one and other.
Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that I´m typing this with my middle finger.
Don`t kiss behind the garden . Love is blind but the neighbors are not :P
Rob Stalker for congressman........Stalker....a name you can trust.
So Stevie Wonder is going to become father to triplets next year. I guess he didn`t see that coming...
As I rise from my slumber the children scream in horror, as they did not know I was in the McDonald`s Playland ball pit
I will probably die as a result of being sarcastic to the wrong person at the wrong time.
When I was a kid...no wait, I still do that.