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I wish more people were fluent in silence.
Once and for all, I agree to ALL "the terms and conditions" that have or will ever exist!
The downside of DVR is getting freaked out by tornado warnings from four days ago
My doctor said he`s been practicing for 30 years. When will he start doing his job for real?
Remember to look both ways before crossing a woman.
I spent 2 hours cleaning this kitchen. Mess it up and I will cut you! ... Love MOM
Before Google, I averaged 220 Snapple bottles before I found the answer.
Thought for the day : Why was the cat in the bag in the first place?
Just spent the last 30 minutes cutting a Batman mask off the back of a box of Honey Nut Cheerios & my kid thinks he`s gonna get to wear it.
I thought I was feeling a little bloated today, turns out I had my underwear on backwards.
I started studying Tai Chi, so I wouldn`t recommend getting in a slow-motion fight with me...
Rob Stalker for congressman........Stalker....a name you can trust.
I hate long distance relationships. That`s why I moved the fridge into my bedroom.
*calling pizza place* "Hello?" Your pizza tastes like cardboard "Are you sure you`re not eating the box again?" *long pause* *click*
The phrase "the truth shall set you free" does not apply to murder.