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How can so many movies be “based on real events” when no one farts?
Keep calm and drink on.
I`m a bad multitasker and even a questionable monotasker
Not all country music is terrible. If you can get past the lyrics about trucks, mud, farms and cows... It`s actually not too bad.
Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity........thats how rich I want to be.
Why is it called tourist season if we can`t shoot them?
I wish they made bar-stools with seat belts and dual side airbags.
Peanut butter sandwiches taste better when cut in half diagonally...........Listen,, I don`t make the rules people.
Life is basically one long, terrible date with yourself.
It`s never good when Human Resources sends you an email and the subject line is "Your Facebook Activity".
I want to live in a world where the Food Network delivers.
How to Train Your Dragon offers no practical dragon training information. NONE. Zero stars.
It`s a bird.. it`s a plane..no wait..it`s a blade of grass....
Another successful year no random father`s day cards in the mail!
How long do I have to lay on the couch in the same position before I can call it "yoga"?