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Have you heard about the new movie called constipation? It hasn`t come out yet.
Somehow, we`ve got to find a way to STOP the driver of that bus that everyone keeps getting thrown under.
I have no interest in skydiving. I get enough of an adrenaline rush hoping my credit card goes through
I got a lot more sleep back when phones were only used for calling people.
What`s worse to have stuck in your head; a knife or All About That Bass?
The longest yard for me is that space between me and the nacho dip
I should be asleep, but there are a lot of things I should be.
I swear I saw a guy earlier today that had no chin and all I could think about was, how does he put on pillow cases?
Given how enormous the universe is, I assume there’s an alien out there who does a mocking impression of me. Screw you, alien.
What did the sushi say to the bee? Wasabi.
If I were a pilot I would scream “WE’RE GOING DOWN” every time I landed the plane.
Great friends never let you do stupid things......alone
All I’m saying is, you’ve never seen me crying and eating tacos at the same time.
Whoever said "money doesn`t grow on trees" has obviously never sold weed.
Tarantulas are like cigarettes. They are pretty much harmless, until you put them in your mouth and light them on fire.