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I judge how safe an area is by the number of lit letters on the Waffle House sign.
Don`t sweat the small stuff. Don`t sweat the medium or large stuff either. Stop perspiring on everything. Take your sweaty a$$ elsewhere.
Buying new Nikes, call that soul searching
Next time a stranger talks to me when I`m alone, I will look at them shocked and whisper quietly...."You can see me???"
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I believe in karma, which is why I`m such a d!ck to total strangers, just in case they deserve it.
Sorry I can`t go out tonight, I can`t find anyone to cover my Facebook shift.
Kicking a man while he’s down burns 150 calories.
I have problems cleaning my house because I get distracted by all the fun things I find.
The guy that discovered milk.. What did you tell your friends were you doing to that cow? O_o
Testing shows that people in the USA know less about geography than England, Japan and like 100 other countries I`ve never heard of.
My biggest fear is that there is no PMS and this is my personality.
I like to skip when I`m carrying my flamethrower cause no one ever suspects a skipping girl of starting fires.
Inspirational status: Today’s probably going to suck. Don’t be a little bitch and handle that sh!t.
I thought 50 shades of gray was just a makeup application guide for goth chicks