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I just made 3 critical errors: 1. I woke up for work. 2. I went to work. 3. I arrived at work.
Don`t half a$$ anything. F*ck it up all the way.
I was late to work because I was having car trouble. And by car trouble I mean I was sleeping and not driving the car.
Go to O`Reilly Auto Parts website and type, `121G` in the search bar.
I always walk through my office with a stern look on my face and a toilet plunger to avoid conversations.
I don`t live paycheck to paycheck. I live paycheck to four days before paycheck...
I`ve been working on losing weight, I was doing Jenny Craig for awhile........till her husband found out (<>..<>)
I quit my job with the Dept of Corrections. That place was like a prison...
Live For Today… Plan For Tomorrow… Party Tonight!
I don`t feel like folding the laundry, so I just restart the dryer
When I get bored I go to a car dealership and ask the salesman to lay in the trunk so I can "see how many I`ll be able to fit"
If my ceiling fan could hold my weight, I`d never be bored again.
Exactly when in American history did Americans stop having British accents?
People go on and on about the length of Subway`s sandwiches but how come nobody talks about their girth?
People who go to the store and buy the single roll of toilet paper must not have an optimistic view of their life expectancy.