Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I hate when I wake up in the middle of the night to get a quick drink of water and then accidentally eat a whole pizza and a cheesecake.
You’re not really living if you don’t have an arch-nemesis.
Of course your opinion matters. Just not to me.
Superman and Batman probably had a lot of "capes in the toilet water" accidents when they went to take a dump.
I`ve been married to my wife 10 years today. Having sex with just one person in 10 years is pure dedication. I don`t know how she does it.
I have many talents, but giving an f*ck isn’t one of them
RUN? I thought you said Rum. I quit.
Party like you will never be invited to another!
If you love someone, let them go, if they don`t come back..... Set them on fire *evil grin*
omg I just found out I`m allergic to exercise...at first I get all flushed, then I break out in a sweat, my heart starts pounding really fast, then I cant breath........i wont be doing that again!
Dear life, When I said "can my day get any worse?" it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.
People that use big words, but not in the right context, are just trying to be ambidextrous
A nice kid in the park informed me smoking was bad for you. So I popped his balloon with my cigarette and told him so was talking to strangers.
If I was on drugs, this post would be amazing.
I`m ok with women faking it in bed. I faked everything to get her there.