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Worry: a waste of imagination.
Benefits of dating me: 1. You`re the smart one
"It`s cold!", "Happy birthday!", "I`m so blessed", "Political rant!"... There, now you don`t have to go to Facebook today. You`re welcome.
You laugh because I´m different. I laugh cause I just farted!
The amount of alcohol I would need to sleep with you would actually kill me.
I went to McDonalds, put 5 dollars on the counter and said "Surprise me". Because I never get what I ask for anyway!
Today is "find your active cavity at 50% off" day at your local store.
I saw some footage of some polar bears drinking water today. It’s obviously fake. Everybody knows they only drink Coca-Cola.
I`m a very modest person, mostly because I`m awesome.
I took part in the sun tan world championships this weekend. I got bronze.
I never thought I`d be the kind of person who`d wake up early in the morning to exercise ... And I was right.
I think I might be bisexual. Because last night I had sex by myself.
Weird how old people suddenly stop being so deaf the second you put music they don’t like on
My Superpower is eating 5 times the "suggested serving" size.
I made the mistake of asking Siri what women want....she has been talking non-stop for the last 3 days.