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Guess when toothpaste was invented? 1892. Guess when kissing was invented? A DISGUSTINGLY LONG TIME BEFORE THAT.
what if the princess wants to be with bowser, but mario keeps kidnapping her
My wife said we could have a three way "when pigs fly" so I showed her a police helicopter.
Wonder if Jesus gets screwed out of birthday presents just because his birthday is so close to Santas?
My swear jar has more money in it than my bank account.
I keep my TV volume at "screw the neighbors".
never tell a lie...unless it is true
If my memory gets any worse I`ll be able to plan my own surprise party.
Here’s your social security card. It’s paper & has to last you forever. Don’t laminate it. Good luck! -The Government
Dear life, When I said "can my day get any worse?" it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.
Sorry I ordered a salad and then ate all your fries.
The secret to dancing is pretending you have a wedgie and you’re trying to get it unstuck without using you’re hands.
I have the ability to drive people crazy. I`m not sure if I was born with it or if I learned it. But damn am I great at it.
I wish real life had as many ejection seats as cartoons.
Ever noticed that `beer can` in a british accent sounds exactly like `bacon` in a jamaican accent?