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What`s it called when you always have a sweet tooth, but it`s only for booze?
Yesterday I accidentally sent a naked picture of myself to everyone in my address book. Not only was it embarrassing, but it cost a fortune in stamps.
My 4-year-old thinks the 5-second rule means he can eat anything off the floor if he waits 5-seconds first. That M&M was from last Easter.
I know this will probably piss off a bunch of people I know, but what makes someone good at fishing?!? Seriously, all you did was wait longer.
I love long legs.... Long sexy legs.....But not on a Spider, I hate long sexy legs on a Spider.
can say whatever the hell I want as my Facebook Status, and nobody will be offended as long as I smile at the end. Example: I hate everybody today :) - LOL
When you drink Vodka over ice, it can give you kidney failure, When you drink Rum over ice, it can give you liver failure, When you drink Whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems, When you drink Gin over ice, it can give you brain problems. Apparently, ice is really bad for you.
Give a man a gun he can rob a bank. Give a man a bank and he can rob everybody
Ever wanna tell someone to shut the f*ck up even when they are not speaking
When I die I want Charlie Sheen’s life to flash before my eyes.
If I were to give up Sarcasm, that would leave interpretive dance as my only means of communication.
Note to Self: Wearing headphones do not make my farts silent.
The first 30 years of childhood are always the hardest.
With all the new car technology you would think someone could invent a side mirror that could show where an object actually appears.
Trivia - It turns out that Alexander the Great was not all that great. But in those days, nobody had the guts to call him Alexander the SO-SO