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McDonald`s should have a 3rd window, where you can trade in all the wrong sh!t they gave you at the second window.
Omg!! got 6 numbers on the Lotto.. and the stupid machine didn´t pick any of them
Fun Fact: Even though they call it a "man hole", you can shove women and children down it just fine.
I like having an ex ...it gives me something to do on Facebook at 3 in the morning.
I`m confused, oh wait, maybe I`m not.
I’m not going bald. I’m getting more head.
A slug is just a divorced snail.
You should get at least 8 hours of beauty sleep... 9 if you`re an ugly bitch...
You can tell Monopoly is an old game because there’s a luxury tax and rich people can go to jail.
The closest I`ve ever come to eating better is eating butter.
As funny as it might be, It`s never polite to yell "Tuba Lesson!" Before farting.
It’s the people that DON`T talk to themselves that are the crazy ones. At least that’s what I tell myself.
One fun way to describe Facebook is “imagine you are a mind reader in Walmart.”
When I am working, I get paid to be nice. I don`t understand why my friends and family expect me to do it for free during my time off.
There are some people in this world who make you totally understand Hannibal Lecter.