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I just did my budget for August. If I don`t buy food ... I won`t need toilet paper. I think I`m on to something here.
I think sex is probably the best stress reliever, but I haven’t beaten anyone with a baseball bat before, so I can’t be 100% sure.
I finally figured out why men love belly rings so much on their women. It reminds them of the staple in the middle of their porn magazines!
Ninja Mode is not a plausible excuse for not being seen at work.
Wanna come over for pizza and sex? I`m just kidding ... there`s no pizza.
I saw a lady with twins babies. One had a shirt that said ‘Copy’ the other ‘Paste’. That made my day.
I"m not saying that I am batman, i`m just saying no one has ever seen me and batman in a room together
Plot twist: name your pets after passwords.
If my body is EVER found dead on a designated jogging trail.. Just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there.. :|
Mary Had a Little Lamb, Little Lamb, Little Lamb. Maybe she wasn`t that hungry.
Without ME, it’s just AWESO.
I don´t know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!
When someone says "everything happens for a reason" I`d like to smack them and say "yeah, I guess you`re right"
My 5 year old set up the lemonade stand all by himself and, while I`m proud of him, I doubt he`ll make a lot of sales in the backyard.
It’s sad how Wile E. Coyote is remembered for his crappy ACME gadgets, and not for his brilliantly realistic paintings of tunnels.