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The first rule of selfie club should be to clean your room.
Sorry I pissed you off, but I find you much more entertaining this way.
Turbo tax might just be the worst video game I ever played.
I consider my body less of a temple and more of a ruin.
Free will is good, but free pizza is better.
I should be able to take a sick day if I am sick of the people I work with.
I`m not crazy I`m just special! No wait maybe I am crazy.. One second, I have to talk to myself about this hold on...
Interviewer: Have any weaknesses? Me: Bullets I: No, I mean… M: Knives I: I don’t think y… M: probably evil dragons I: … M: Focusing.
She likes to call it a conversation, but mostly she`s gathering evidence.
That awkward moment when you tell your parents something funny, but it turns into a life lesson.
Neighbors just kicked me out of their shower and called the cops. Some of these pokemon go instructions are confusing. A lot of grey area...
I asked him about his weekend, but apparently what happens in vagueness, stays in vagueness.
Fun Fact: You can win all arguments with your man by putting on yoga pants and walking away.
Most of life is waiting for whatever you`re at to be over.
I feel like people who don`t have at least one bottle of expired salad dressing in the fridge, really have their lives together.