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"You`ve got a friend in me." - Cannibals, probably
Maybe cologne should come with a two sprays a day lock on it.
I didn`t see anyone important yesterday, so I`ll probably wear these same clothes today.
“100 Calorie Packs” roughly translated means “Eat Two or Three of These”
My apartment is so dirty that I actually lost my last girlfriend to the 5 second rule.
I took up the game of Golf recently. . .but I had too much trouble getting through that windmill.
I like when google answers my stupid questions because it means I’m not the only one asking google stupid questions.
The early bird gets the worm. But the rest of the birds can get McGriddles until 10:30.
My mom just sent me a friend request on Facebook! Finally I can use that "I`m not your friend I`m your mother" speech to my advantage.
I`d publish my autobiography but it`s just a bunch of liquor stained pages filled with doodles, and rants about stupid people.
Do you ever wish that you could just unmeet someone.
just keep scrolling nothing to see hear
Homes are 750 square feet larger today than they were 30 years ago. Unfortunately, so are most Americans.
Chillin: the art of doing nothing without being bored.
I bet Eve bit that apple because she knew she was going to get a bunch of clothes out of it.