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Texting "Good Morning, Beautiful" will change a girl`s whole day. If you time it right, it will do the same for her boyfriend.
Jealously is something you’re good at when you suck at everything else.
Wow! it`s late.. I need to hit the sack........ Then go to bed.
Did you ever think that one day you would be this addicted to reading and writing?
This pill bottle says `Take with plenty of fluids` and `Don`t take with alcohol`. That doesn`t even make sense
Had a nice, relaxing weekend. I now have ample energy to hate Monday and most of Tuesday.
I opened a bottle of wine to let it breathe. It didn`t. So I gave it mouth to mouth.
McDonalds ... closing thigh gaps since 1967.
Don`t sugar-coat it, I`ll just lick that off....
I need a better plan of action when my phone rings than throwing it.
“We don`t lick people!” - Lies adults tell kids
I wasn`t going to get so many groceries, but there was a new girl working today and she took my check.
Love your neighbor. But don`t get caught.
Sometimes when you first meet someone you just know you want to spend the rest of your life ... Avoiding them
This bottle of beer is not only delicious,,,, It also contains almost 10% of my daily requirement of beer...