Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Was sitting and doing nothing. Then I realized I could be sitting and doing nothing on Facebook. So here I am.
Never do I feel as lazy and rude as when someone else in the room is vacuuming.
Seems like you could save a lot of time if you just paired The Bachelor with The Bachelorette.
Did you ever notice how a woman’s “I’ll be ready in 5min” and a guys “I’ll be home in 5min” are one and the same?
If I procrastinated any harder right now, it would have to involve time travel.
“I demand a recount.” – Me, in a nugget dispute at McDonald’s.
About to stick a pin in your voodoo doll.... Brace yourself.
When you have the opportunity to become a bigger person, take it because cake is delicious.
A vegan friend on FB said if we had to kill our own food, we wouldn`t eat meat... I think if he had to build his own computer he couldn`t whine on FB.
If you like someone, set them free. If they comeback, it means nobody liked them. Set them free again.
Card on top of gift reads `I want you wearing this tonight` only to open the gift to find NOTHING
It looks like bathroom tai chi but it`s me trying to trigger the automatic paper towel dispenser.
I said my wife`s name three times in front of the bathroom mirror and now my wallet`s empty...
I will literally spend $20 on food but won’t buy a $20 shirt.
Tarantulas are like cigarettes. They are pretty much harmless, until you put them in your mouth and light them on fire.