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I’m having fruit salad for dinner. Well, it’s mostly grapes actually. Okay, all grapes. Fermented grapes. Ok, I’m having wine for dinner.
Have a day. That`s about as inspirational I get.
Anything is possible when you have no clue what you`re talking about
I wish they made barstools with seat belts and dual side airbags.
Drinking always starts out as the best idea you’ve ever had.
We`re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble-wrap...
Sir, your burrito is $5.97. With guacamole, your total comes to $386,932.32
Me blacking out when I`m drunk is God`s way of telling me that what I do when I drink is none of my business.
I was called a sexist today ... I said, I think you`re mistaken ...its pronounced sexy
Government Shutdown: Day Three Jellystone Park still closed. Still no pic-a-nic baskets. Yogi stares at Boo-Boo... Boo-Boo looks tasty.
TIP: If cars are passing you on the highway in the LEFT lane, GET THE HELL OUT OF THE RIGHT LANE!
Love your neighbor. But don`t get caught.
It`s the weekend!!! The " Responsible Adult Button" has been switched to OFF!!
The only way to communicate with a drunk person is to get hammered too.
Never go on a blind date with a friend! She was so big when i took her home she went to my backyard and started grazing.