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I would like to discuss tennis but I wouldn`t want to cause a racket
Those who stir the sh*t-pot should be made to lick the spoon!
Why do they call a grapefruit a grapefruit? I mean there is already a fruit called a grape!!
The "best part of waking up" doesn`t even make sense.
Everybody stop what you`re doing and play with crayons! You`re wlecome, enjoy the day.
I don`t really want to hear about the marathon, unless of course, they add an element of suspense ... Like a Bear at mile 3
When you were little, “I’m going to tell your mom” was the scariest sentence ever.
I`m not mental, other wise the rubber duckies would have told me by now...
Give up, itsy-bitsy spider. It wasn`t meant to be.
Who called them expiration dates instead of spoiler alerts
Don`t judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect.
You think having periods is hard? ... Try being on a 24 hour killstreak on Call of Duty with itchy balls.
My mother is my travel agent for guilt trips.
Never do anything for money. Unless it’s a lot of money. Then do anything.
If your friends don’t make fun of you, they’re not your true friends.