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Admit it at some point in your life you have tried to close the fridge slowly to see when the light goes out...
I`m not allowed to have any energy drinks until all the cat`s hair grows back.
One good thing about being ugly is that when someone stares at you for too long you automatically know they wanna rob you.
I`m pretty sure some of you just drag your face across the keyboard and hit send.
In an alternate universe cats feed humans Lean Cuisines while muttering "I don`t know how you eat that sh!t".
can´t seem to find love. but its okay. I know exactly where the beer is.
If she can cook like her mother and drink like her father, she`s a keeper.
A lot of people do not realize that the actor who played Wilson in Castaway is the same actor from the volleyball scene in Top Gun.
Why can’t they make the whole week out of Saturdays?
Gray hair is the human body`s equivalent of low toner.
The problem with kleptomaniacs is that they take things so literally.
I know you seen me continuously push the "close doors" button while you ran to the elevator. Now it`s just awkward
My right thumb is in the best shape of my life.
Anyone else has a plastic bag at home full of plastic bags?
Turns out a crash diet doesn`t mean having vodka with every meal and falling down the stairs at noon!