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There is a fine line between a sleepover and just drinking way too much at someone else`s house.
If running on a treadmill was the only way to recharge our phones we would be the healthiest mofos on the planet.
I`m not sure what my spirit animal is, but I`m sure it has Rabies.
Hating everything saves countless hours of decision making.
A lot of people do not realize that the actor who played Wilson in Castaway is the same actor from the volleyball scene in Top Gun.
In my porno they`d deliver the pizza after they had sex because otherwise it`d just get cold.
I could be a morning person if morning happened after 11.
When I`m in a good mood I act like I`m I`m in a bad mood so nobody approaches me and ruins my good mood.
Apparently "whiskey and wild women" is not an acceptable answer when asked what your weaknesses are during a job interview.
As far as Im concerned, you are not my concern.
I live in fear that my death will somehow be connected to the opening of a pressurized Pillsbury cinnamon roll container.
There`s a pretty good chance I`ll end up being one of those senior citizens who randomly bites people...
My ID expired so I can only go to the liquor store where they remember me: The one where I asked the cashier out and threw up on the floor.
What does "it" mean in the sentence "What time is it?"?
Are walruses just vampire manatees?