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The real danger of running with scissors is that a rock might fall on you.
The more you know. Daylight Savings started back in 1964 when Jerry Daylight Savings was an hour late for work & convinced his boss all the clocks were wrong.
There`s no easy way to steal a watermelon.
I Wonder what Facebook Employees do to waste time at work ?
Guuuyyyysssss, never ever play leapfrog with a unicorn.... Its not worth it.....
Sometimes I go on Google Earth and just spin the sh!t out of the world & pretend I`m making everyone really dizzy.
All I`m saying is that if you were a real psychic palm reader you would of made me wash my hands first.
If you work Security in a Samsung store does that make you a Guardian of the Galaxy?
“We don`t lick people!” - Lies adults tell kids
The only thing I`ve learned from my mistakes is that I make a whole bunch of them
Sorry ladies, but I already got my eyes on a woman who`s not interested.
Not one person has been eaten by sharks yet this week. Probably the worst Shark Week ever.
I hate it when I mentally undressing someone and my OCD kicks in and I start folding their clothes.
Robots can do anything we set their mind to
Keep your friends close and your enemies tied to a train track.