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It`s all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship`s kitchen.
I just got gas for $1.79... Unfortunately, it was at Taco Bell.
Laughter is the best medicine. Unless you have diarrhea!
If cartoons are a reliable guide, the secret to never aging is wearing the same clothes every day.
Guys, if my hair doesn`t look like a birds nest afterward, you`re doing it wrong.
Convincing my dog I really threw the ball is the closest I’ll ever get to being a magician.
My mother might be right.. I was the reason someone invented birth control.
Saying I have a drinking problem is like saying Bruce Lee had a kung fu problem, it`s not a problem if you`re good at it.
Just watched The Grey. The wolves left half the Mexican .. to spicy??
Awww, look. My middle finger likes you!
I go out all day looking good and saw no one I know. I go out for 5 minutes looking like sh!t and it`s all of the sudden a f*cking reunion.
At the Touch of Love..Everyone Becomes a Poet !
But..At the Touch of Breakup Everyone Becomes a Philosopher... ^_^
Left the toilet seat up. Wife screaming in 5, 4, 3, 2...
As far as Im concerned, you are not my concern.
All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific.