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Nothing says you`re ugly like Facebook asking, "are you sure you want to make this your profile picture ?"
I have thought a lot about it and I am thrilled to announce that I have decided to never die.
Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advise.
I can walk up to any dog, rub its belly and make a friend ... That trick rarely works on people.
How do amish girls know if its a romantic candle lit dinner or just a regular candle lit dinner.
I have no problem giving credit when credit is due. It’s giving payment when payment is due that I seem to struggle with.
I don`t post a lot of personal statuses - but when I do it`s all about you ..
Starting tomorrow: Whatever Life throws at me… I’m gonna duck so it hits someone else.
I know the light has changed twice people but I`m playing air drums until Moby Dick is over...sit back and enjoy the show please...
Farts are like children. I`m proud of mine and disgusted by yours.
"You should`ve come with us!" well, inviting me would`ve helped..
My wife just changed here facebook status from "Married" to "widowed", should I be scared?
I just lost my mood ring, I don`t know how I feel about that.
Once my ex knocked on my door & then shouted that it was her, so I texted “im not home” then seconds later I texted “if u happen to be here”
Being handed a flyer is the offline version of a pop-up ad.