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I know you people are crazy. I can spot my own kind a mile away.
I`m more confused than a valet parking attendant at a Mary Kay convention.
Why is it called when animals attack? It should be called when retarded people go near dangerous animals.
Joggers always give each other a little nod when they pass, just like fat guys in a buffet line.
Was late to my first Fight Club last night so missed the intro rules. Still, Fight Club was brilliant and I`d highly recommend Fight Club.
I`d have a longer attention span if things weren`t so shiny.
The last time I saw something as ugly as your face I pinned a tail on it.
A recent report shows that people who smoke weed get into 85% fewer car crashes than drunk people. Obviously. It`s a lot easier to see what`s coming when you`re only driving at eleven miles an hour.
gets drunk on one drink. The trouble is, I can´t remember if it´s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
Note to future self: Tequila is a liar. You do not sound exactly like Axl Rose & the people at karaoke will not catch you if you stage dive
I just had a call from a Charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people throughout the world. I told them to F off!! Anybody who fits into my clothes isn`t starving!!
If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, does it really have calories?
How do you get holy water? Boil the hell out of it.
Sleep is just a symptom of caffeine deprivation.
People ask me why I don`t have tattoos. Seriously, would you put a bumper sticker on a Lambourghini?