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Why do baby clothes have pockets?
Valentines Day is the only day of the year that the guy with the smallest package gets the girl.
At any given time, my wallet is worth more than it’s contents.
On a scale of Doopers, you`re pretty Super.
If you can´t afford to go on vacation, you can always drink until you don´t know where you are.
Size does matter-just ask Pluto.
Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they`re looking for ideas.
Don`t put off for tomorrow what you can do today, because if you enjoy it today you can do it again tomorrow.
My girlfriend told me I`m starting to annoy her because I relate everything to batman... What a joker!
My favorite holiday spirit is poured over ice.
Now that I know how many calories there are in a pint of beer , I have decided to stop eating.
I don’t understand decaf coffee. It’s like sex without the sex.
If you pour two beers into one glass, it becomes just one beer.
The fact that this peanut butter jar states that it "Contains Peanuts" makes me extremely nervous for the human race.
Our swear jar is always empty because of all the god damn foul mouthed thieves that live in this f*cking house.