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You all take typos way too serious, you gays.
I am so confused. My boss just said "keep up the good work" and I have no recollection of doing any such work.
I would watch tennis more often if they replaced the ball boys with untrained golden retrievers.
My life is a lot like Ikea furniture with missing instructions. I’ll get it together eventually but it won’t ever feel quite right.
Pretend it`s a beer... Pretend it`s a beer... Pretend it`s a beer... - Me trying not to drop a baby.
Before I die I`m going to eat a bag of popcorn kernels. My cremation should be spectacular.
Everytime I see a mattress tied to the top of a car, I think….there’s another prostitute making a house call……
You`ve been on more hotel pillows then chocolate mints.
I hate it when my cat leaves a dead Smart Car on my doorstep.
I`ve just woken up, and it appears that Earth is temporarily safe from harm & currently doesn`t need my assistance, so I`m going back to bed.
Would you like to save money on your car insurance? Walk ... Just sayin
If you pour two beers in one glass, it`s just one beer.
Not so great minds also think alike.
Studies show than men who have sex more often tend to have a longer life expectancy. See, it`s a survival thing.
Saw A bumper sticker that said "Fat People Are Harder To Kidnap" not sure if he was a proud fat man or a disgruntled kidnapper though.