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I just love having sex with you...Next time I hope you are there with me.
Sometimes it`s nice to know karma is still a feisty little b!tch.
I assume guys who wear their phones on the hip do so because their pockets are stuffed to the brim with condoms and girls phone numbers
What happens on online stays online, forever and ever.
Why can’t the shower just naturally keep itself clean?
Rum balls, rum cake, rum spiked eggnog, rum in fruitcakes...you know, anymore, there`s more of the Captain than of Christ in Christmas...
If there were "Box Tops for Education" on cases of beer, my kid`s school would be rich.
Marriage. The world`s oldest form of identity theft.
A lot of people don`t know this, but you can quietly like or dislike Obama.
I used to think drinking was bad until i stopped thinking
Do you know what I hate worse than people? Groups of people.
I`m not getting married till Pizza Hut allows gift registry.
My wife is driving me to drink. I hope she remembers to pick me up when I’m done.
Dear whoever ate my fries while I was in the ball pit at McDonalds... Not funny, grow up.
Its Friday ... my body is in for a much-needed drinking session