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So many rules; so little time to break them.
A birth control pill a day keeps the mini-van away.
Marriage. When dating goes too far.
Say what you will about women but I think being able to turn one sentence into a six hour argument takes talent.
My wife just said that I was the worst behaved out of all her children.
I like you as a friend. Well, more like as a friend of a friend.
No Girlfriend November was a success, now for Don`t Date December, Just Me January, Forever Alone February, No Match March..... I got this.
Shake up a random soda pop in the company fridge today. You deserve it.
Like if you remember the correlation between a pencil and a cassette tape ...
If the shoe fits, shove it further up their a$$
Clearly skinny jeans are easier to obtain than skinny genes
They should make Vodka ChapStick
Pretty much the most frightening part of my day is when I get a notification that my mother has tagged me in a post on Facebook.
Help I`m covered in chameleons & no one believes me
Sorry I got really drunk and ended up being really mouthy and offensive at your party next week.