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Sarcasm: because snapping a neck is frowned upon in a court of law.
wondering if today is a good day to implement my plan...
Billy Ray Cyrus made a million dollars at a playgirl photo shoot. He just started taking his clothes off and they paid him to put them back on.
If I died and went straight to hell, it would take me a week to realize I wasn`t at work anymore.
Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle
45 minutes on the treadmill is no big deal if you don`t turn it on
"I wish people would start doing ice bucket challenges again" - said no one ever!
I only seem to remember I want to lose weight after eating 6 cookies.
Today is national I don`t feel like doing sh!t today. Celebrate accordingly.
I Hope I can make it through another season of disagreement over the pronunciation of pecan.
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means that I dropped them on the way from the dryer ... That`s all.
I may be evil, crazy, insane and f*cking naughty but I do have some good traits, I just don`t dwell on them.
My sex life is like a Ferrari ... I don`t have a Ferrari
Patiently waiting for the Prozac to kick in so I can start my day....Ok, Maybe NOT patiently!
You know you should goto sleep when the sheep you`re counting start hitting the fence.