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Two interesting facts for you: 1) Some pine cones look like poop. 2) I`m never kicking anything wearing flip flops again.
I have an awesome idea, but first I`ll need a zebra, bungee cords, jello, and a partner in crime. Any takers?
My wife just gave me an ultimatum, it’s either her or Facebook. So sadly, this will be my last joke….. in which I talk about having a wife.
Hating everything saves countless hours of decision making.
You and I are just different. And by different I mean you`re stupid.
The more neighbors I spy on through my binoculars, the creepier I think all my neighbors are!
On the outside, I`m smiling...because on the inside, I`m imagining beating you senseless with Hulk Smash Hands.
Today I am thankful for dirty text messages, stripclubs, and Jack Daniels
You don`t have to be crazy to work here ... We`ll train you.
When will math grow up and start solving its own problems
There`s nothing like hearing the laughter of a baby. Unless it`s 1AM and you`re home alone.
Before having a kid the most important thing to ask yourself is “Am I ready to watch the exact same cartoon on repeat for the next 4 years?”
Liam Neeson trained Batman, Obi Wan, and Darth Vader. He is both Aslan and Zeus…and he punches wolves. Why would you kidnap his family?
I bet the creator of the artificial heart is pretty pissed that we still use "sliced bread" as our basis for great inventions.
If you would`ve told me back in 1999 that we`d still be using animated gifs in 2015, I would`ve said "Wow, what a boring conversation"