Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Black Friday is the second closest thing to a zombie apocalypse except they want sales instead of brains.
I learned how to kiss passionately by practicing on my hand, but now it just uses me for sex.
The expiration date on my credit card is 4/20 and it always gets a good laugh when Im ordering pizza for delivery.
Immature is a word boring people use to describe fun people.
Lady`s if you want guys to look at your face instead of your chest ... eat a banana.
A garbage disposal is just a device for finishing off all the food no one else in the house will eat.
I use awkward numerical range description anywhere between 13 and 4 times a day.
Don`t know what to get your husband for Christmas? Whatever you give him, give it to him naked. Problem solved
Remember this when you are drunk: You can`t fall off the floor.
This girl says she wants me to butter her muffin ... I don’t even know what that means, but now I’m hungry.
A show called the view shouldn`t hurt your eyes
After a year in therapy my psychiatrist said to me " maybe life isn`t for everyone"
You know what the trouble about real life is? There`s no danger music.
I was standing in front of the mirror eariler, admiring my six pack for hours. But it got really warm so I put it back in the fridge.
My girlfriend wanted me to come shopping, but I had a headache... I must have caught it from her last night when we didn`t have sex.