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If by crunches you mean Captain Crunch cereal, then yes I do crunches.
The older I get the more I understand Squidward`s anger.
I`d say 20% of my day is spent trying to convince the dog we`re not about to be murdered by the UPS guy, mailman, squirrels, or the ice dispenser..
All I`m saying is that if you were a real psychic palm reader you would of made me wash my hands first.
I hate it when my cat leaves a dead Smart Car on my doorstep.
When one door closes and another one opens, it`s time to pack up and leave because your house is clearly haunted.
My life is the intersection between having too much caffeine and constantly yawning.
Even though I`m only 29, I know I`m going to die a bitter, lonely, miserable old man ... I`m married.
I don`t have any skeletons in my closet because I bury my victims in the backyard!
Never look directly at the people having a sizzling plate of fajitas delivered to their table... It’s what they want.
The hardest things about beginning any new relationship has got to be learning how to fart quietly again.
I dont run from my problems, I chase them ... with alcohol
A good friend will bail you out of jail. A great friend will be handcuffed next to you saying that was fun
The best part about pooping with the bathroom door open in the morning is being able to see everyones face at Starbucks.
Instead of LOL, try SALTS ( smiled a little, then stopped)