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Was the little pig who decided to built his house out of straw some sort of f***ing idiot?
I`ve considered changing career paths and becoming a demolitions expert, but then I hear the education may cost me an arm and a leg.
The difference between cars and whales is that whales can swim and cars can`t.
Sometimes its better to eliminate the problem rather than trying to solve it.
I just wanted to say thank you to all the people that have given me a reason to drink this Friday night.
75% of my day consists of looking at the clock and not believing it
I will be back in 5 minutes, if I am not then please read this again! :D
Some of us are basically unpaid Facebook interns.
Her dad said he`d like to see me make an honest woman out of her. I had to resist the urge to tell him that ship sailed long before me.
I bet giraffes don`t even know what farts smell like.
If Monday was a movie, it would be very long and boring.
A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s…That’s because she changes it more often.
I failed my driver`s test. For the question "What do you do at a Red Light?" I said "Text and check Facebook."
Sometimes in life, all you really need is a lot of money.
There`s no use worrying about things you can`t control. And the good news is, that`s pretty much everything.