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Let`s sleep in until it`s time to go to bed again
Put that down you fat piece of sh!t` - the title of the dieting book I`m writing.
If I could choose any one mythological creature to become alive & real, I`d have to pick…My girlfriend.
I totally love and fully respect that you`re a little bit slutty
My favorite thing about marriage is sharing a house with the person most likely to murder me.
I should start carrying a pool noodle in my car and randomly smack cars when stuck in traffic
Although the voices aren`t real, they have some pretty good ideas.
You seem like a sweat person. Mind if I lick you to find out?
The kids left w/my parents for a week. I plan to run around the house for an hour yelling "woo hoo", but after that my schedule is wide open
To skip any youtube ad just change ‘youtube’ to ‘youtubeskip’ in the url of any video. You’re welcome.
When I first went on the pill, I put on some weight. Which proved to be a very effective contraceptive.
Why do people with the most to say contribute the least?
Remember, time is more powerful than You!!! One tree makes a million matchsticks......But when the time comes........Only 1 match stick is needed to burn a million trees......
I hate it when I mentally undressing someone and my OCD kicks in and I start folding their clothes.
I`m so out of shape, Internet Explorer could probably run faster than me.