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I don’t care if it’s 4 A.M. I don’t consider it “tomorrow” until I wake up.
Instead of cleaning my house I just watch an episode of hoarders and think " Wow my house looks great"
Nice try Jehovah’s Witnesses but dressing up like cops and telling me you have a warrant is not going to get me to open my door.
If the Terminator was female the line would have been, “I might be back, I haven’t decided yet.”
Happy 4th of July ... U can toss out the Christmas tree now
I always get a nice safe feeling whenever I see a police car and I realize I`m not driving around with a trunkful of cocaine.
I`m scared of the pesticides on this produce, so I guess I`ll run them under cold water for half a second
Found out today you`re supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, not a jelly stain. Sorry lady at the waffle house... just trying to help.
Every boy band song should have a part where they realize they`re singing about the same girl & get mad at each other.
So far, I am 100% at believing what happened next on Facebook links.
The Bible is Christianity’s Terms of Service. Nobody actually reads it, but as long as u agree to everything in it, u can use the Heaven app
How many instruments do you have to be terrible at before you start playing the triangle?
I could be a morning person....if morning happened around noon.
Talk to your kids about drugs. Maybe they have better connections than you.
Well another funny thing about this status is, by the time your done reading this, you realize it talks about absolutely nothing and you just wasted your time. Welcome to Facebook.