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What happens in Vegas never happens to me.
I have to wonder why we have "non-essential" government employees in the first place.
Love is grand. Divorce is 100 grand.
I took a poll recently, and 100% of strippers were angry they had nothing to dance on.
I love a room with a fire place it sets the tone for a romantic night, drinking wine slow dancing, burning evidence.
I`m so broke, if somebody tried to rob me right now, they would just be practicing.
Chocolate comes from Cocoa, which is a tree. That makes cocoa a plant….chocolate is a salad.
At this point in life, my greatest chance of having a threesome will be sex with a schizophrenic.
When a girl tells you that she just had her period, you are officially in the friendzone.
I am deleting my twitter right now! Not to seem paranoid but I think people are following me!
Life really is all down-hill once you get to big too ride in the shopping cart
You`re the one who wore a red and yellow scarf to class. So don`t look at me weird for shouting "10 points for gryffindor" when you answer questions cause I know you wanted this. -Bfanch
you know you`ve been facebooking too much when you accidentally say "LOL", in person...
Dreams are like pictures. I don`t care about yours unless I`m in them.
If I had a crystal ball to see 5 years in the future, I would have 2020 vision.