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The best revenge is happiness, because nothing drives people more crazy then seeing someone actually having a good life.
Look up procrastinator on Wikipedia and you`ll see a picture of me. Well there isn’t yet, but there will be. Probably by tomorrow. Maybe Tuesday.
If you`re going to walk a mile in my shoes...Can you pick me up some beer on your way back?
Guuuyyyysssss, never ever play leapfrog with a unicorn.... Its not worth it.....
Am I the only one who thinks water has that taste that no one can describe?
Tony Soprano dead....Whitey Bulger on trial...coincidence??? I think not!
My relationship status? Last night, in the elevator, I told a girl she had nice shoelaces.
Neil Armstrong lands on the moon: 5 pictures. Girl goes to Bathroom: 47 pictures.
Women say they want a guy who can make them laugh. I`d probably have done better if they`d specified that they didn`t mean by tickling.
Be good ... or I will text Santa
Office Tip: In a pinch a booger and a small piece of copy paper is as good as a post it note.
Has anybody seen my keys? they`re awesome.
Tieam... problem solved
I bet all those girls that ignored me in high school would still be pretty pleased with that decision.
LIFE HACK: Answer your phone "Hello you`re on the air" and 99% of the time people will just hang up