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Always crush and snort your first pill on the pharmacy counter to make sure they`re not passing you some fake sh!t.
Alcoholic? No. Self-appointed booze quality control technician? Yes.
i never said i knew what i was doing, i said i was going to do it anyway :)
Todays Relationships: You can touch each other but not each others phones.
Calm down mechanic guy. Just here for an oil change. If I wanted to know about all the other shit wrong with my car I`d turn the radio down.
my Dr. says i have ADHD, i dont know how they see.... oooooh a squirrel!
I worry about the future because I know my friends that are teachers.
I remember 2011 like it was yesterday. ;)
I`m "got my sexual education from a 2 Live Crew cassette tape" years old.
Job interview `What is your biggest weakness?` `Honesty` `I don`t think honesty is a weakness` `I don`t give a flying *#(@ what you think!`
Cars should come with two horns: one that’s like “Hey guys!” & another that’s like “I will end you!”
If I were to give up Sarcasm, that would leave interpretive dance as my only means of communication.
China has largest population not because the men are extra horny nor women are extra fertile but because... Their condoms are made in China.
Happy Halloween… may all of your skeletons stay in the closet where they belong!
Men also have feelings. For example, we can feel hungry