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Besides creating dinosaurs are mosquitos good for anything?
I`ve fallen down the stairs before. I don`t see what joy the Slinky gets out of it. That sh!t hurts.
"mommy watch this!" is the toddler equivalent of "hold my beer and watch this"
I don`t have ADHD. I have ADOLS. Attention deficit..OH LOOK! Skittles!
I`d share my Netflix login but I`m too embarrassed by "My List".
Stop complaining about being single!!, we have bigger problems here. Like why McDonalds don`t serve breakfast after 10:30 -.-
The older I get, the more I enjoy being bored.
Yes, autocorrect, that`s right. I hate that stupid ditch
If someone tells you `I love you` but you don`t feel the same way and don`t wanna make it awkward just say `I love YouTube` really really fast :)
Apparently, walking up behind a hot guy in the produce aisle with celery in my hand and whispering "I`m stalking you" was much funnier in my head.
When your running down the street on fire, people will get out of your way
Really offended that these microwave instructions told me to turn my burrito over gently like I don`t treat every burrito with the utmost respect
To avoid being eaten by Zombies go to "settings", "public", and uncheck the box that says "Facebook users taste like chicken"
Screw you, little sticker on fruit!
I woke up early this morning with the strange desire to get up and exercise. Fortunately I rolled over and closed my eyes really tight and the feeling went away.