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umm umm u know that school where i got the degree from
The first to apologize is the bravest. The first to forgive is the strongest. The first to open the vodka is the smartest.
Sorry I got drunk and angry and said all those things I meant but still shouldn`t have said.
Nipples: Nature`s thermometer.
Jack Frost go away, come again another day. I need some sun, I need some sand, I need an island & a band. I`m bored with you & tired of the cold, so go away your getting old. Bring on the sun at one hundred degrees, some coconut oil & pina coladas please
Has it ever occurred to optimists and pessimists that the glass is refillable?
I hope someone drives slightly slower in front of you on a crowded highway and you can’t pass.
What doesn`t kill you makes you have lots of hospital bills.
How do nudist clean their glasses?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HOPE YOU HAVE AN AMAZING DAY!! (To all of my FB friends, please don`t read this until the appropriate day)
I was trying to have a mature arguement but "look, you ignorant f*cktard" just popped out
The man who created the Thesaurus has died. He`ll be fondly remembered, commemorated, memorialized, recalled and recollected.
Kinda hypocritical of me to complain about people who send mixed signals seeing as the mat in front of my door says "welcome"...
No one texts faster than a gossiping woman.
Kids teach you so many life lessons. Unconditional love, patience, the meaning of family, but mostly to lock the bedroom door.