Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Optimism? Sure, it`s worth a try. I don`t see how acting like an eye doctor is gonna help, but whatever.
Okay, let’s get this straight. There’s no way everone here has the best boyfriend in the world.
I hate to sound racist, but.. all of your baby ultrasounds look the same.
Whenever I open my fridge, my dog looks at me with a puzzled look and he thinks, “why don’t you eat all the food?”
I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
Happy July 22nd! Today isn’t a holiday, but you’re alive and well, so why not celebrate?
We all have that funny voice we use when talking to dogs, babies... and idiots!
My doctor prescribed me xanax instead of birth control pills I asked for. Now I have 9 kids, but I don`t care.
Caterpillars have it made. They eat a lot, go to sleep, then wake up beautiful.
Somehow, hitting the "end call" button on the cell phone just doesn`t feel nearly as good as the old days when you could slam the phone down on somebody.
I could see how 2 deaf guys arguing would appear to be gang related.
Never underestimate a woman`s ability to make you feel responsible and guilty for her mistakes.
Don`t judge a man by how low his pants hang below his a$$...just kidding, that`s a great reason to judge someone.
If your wife says "what would you do without me?" "Live happily ever after" is NOT the correct answer.
If our phones were really smart, they would tell us to get off of Facebook and do something meaningful or constructive with our lives.