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You feel naked without your phone, I feel naked without my clothes.
Early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and a crappy party host.
Video games are cool because they let you experience fantastical power-fantasies. for example in The SIMS you have a job and a house.
House cleaning would go a lot faster if the spray bottles made laser gun sounds
My wife said I can definitely have a man cave, if that`s what I want to start calling the hall closet.
I remember my single days like it was 11 years, 1 month, and 12 days ago.
Today, I am doing my part to conserve energe, Iām going back to bed.
had a great time horseback riding today but then I ran out of quarters
Now that I know how many calories there are in a pint of beer , I have decided to stop eating.
The new Jungle Book movie might be confusing to today`s kids who don`t remember when we had jungles. Or books...
Every-time I walk over a sewer grate I look down into it hoping to catch a glimpse of a Ninja Turtle
Hawaii is a great place to live if you hate being eligible for contests.
I`ve got big plans for the weekend. If things go well, come Monday morning I`m gonna need a chiropractor, a psychiatrist, a priest and bail money.
Don`t judge a person for drinking; judge a person for not drinking. Those f*ckers are up to something.
If "Cops" has taught me anything it`s to stay away from people with blurry faces, they`re nothing but trouble...