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I`m pretty sure if I put what was actually on my mind as my Facebook status, all my friends would delete me.
If you see me smiling it`s because I`m thinking of doing something evil or naughty ... If you see me laughing it`s because I`ve already done it
Instead of cleaning my house I just watch an episode of hoarders and think " Wow my house looks great"
Somebody has to be awesome…might as well be me.
It`s all fun and games until the cops show up.
Just saw the trailer for "Noah." I hear The Book is better.
Hate having friends? Just chew with your mouth open.
Pregreening - creeping forward while waiting for a red light to change.
When a man talks dirty to a woman, its sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s $4.95 a minute.
This relationship is going to be weird if you keep pretending I`m not your boyfriend.
I have to be funny because being hot is not an option.
You know one thing i really like about you is that you dont like anything about me.
I just want to be as thin as my patience.
Being a woman should count as a pre-existing mental condition.
Is it just me, or would those movies had been far scarier if they were titled "Monday the 13th"